healthy tuesday: gaslighting!

I have mentioned that I am taking a Mindfulness Practitioner Course. It is taking me a while to finish because it is so deep with tons of self reflection. A lot of that stems from the fact that I have been a victim of gaslighting, and Mindfulness helps you recover from it. People who gaslight are in my opinion master brainwashers and manipulators. Anyone can be a victim of gaslighting, maybe you have. Gaslighters are often Narcissists, and some Sociopaths. The world revolves around them and everything they want, much like a toddler. It is even worse when gaslighting occurs by someone you love and trust.

So, what is gaslighting? Gaslighting is a strategy implemented by one person, or a group, that makes a victim or victims question their own reality. This is done to gain power and control over the person, or a group of people.

How to tell if someone is gaslighting you, or someone you care about:

1- They lie, all the time, very rarely ever telling the truth. But, when you call them on their lie they insult you, call you names and try to make you look like the liar by twisting everything you say, or spinning it. They lie with a straight face. The more they lie the more you will question what is real, keeping you confused and weary.

2- When you call them on their lies they will deny it and never admit they lied. They will tell the same lie over and over until people start to believe it. So, in my case I knew the lies were lies, and even could show proof, but it doesn’t matter because they will never admit they were wrong or lied.

3- Over time they will wear you down making you give in, or give up to their lies, just accepting it as normal or how it should be. The more you falter and let them have control the more powerful and emboldened they will feel. The more they can get away with the more extreme they will be in the future. This is fuel for them leading them to believe they are all powerful and should never be doubted or questioned by anyone.

4- If you have something that you value such as a child, pet, career etc, they will attack it and try to turn it against you. They will attack your character trying to make you look like the person who is wrong, unstable, crazy, mean etc. If they can ruin any other relationships you may have. This again is fuel for them. They may tell you in person that you are not a good mother and never will be, or sister, doctor whatever your career may be. They will badmouth you in all of these areas as often as possible to others in utterly degrading ways. However, they should be adored in all of those roles, even if they do not hold any of those roles. They know everything about everything and should be completely adored and agreed with.

5- They will question every decision you make if it is not one they made for you. You will be led to believe you really don’t have a clue what you are doing and you need their advice and control to do anything right. From your appearance to basic life decisions, you will never be right if they did not allow it. You will also never be good enough no matter how hard you try.

6- They are hypocrites. Do as I say not as I do is their motto. They will never follow the very strict rules they put on their subordinates, never take advice, and surely never not be the boss. They are not team workers as they don’t believe in teamwork, they only believe in them being in control.

7- Every now and then they will throw you some kindness just to keep you off balance. Thinking maybe they aren’t as bad as you thought.

8- They will accuse you of doing whatever you accuse them of. So, say they are verbally abusive they will project back to you claiming that you are verbally abusive to them, so they are to you. If you say they disrespect you, they will say that you disrespect them, and so the cycle continues.

9- They will turn people against you, by not only lying about you to people, but also telling you lies that people said about you. They thrive on conflict, tension and stress.

10- Everyone else is wrong, and lies, even when you can prove that what they are saying is wrong. They cause people to have Cognitive Dissonance which is their ultimate goal, because you just have no idea what to believe anymore.

If you have been a victim of gaslighting, or you think you have been, use the contact form after the image to message me for a free meet and greet. Mindfulness with a Holistic Health Coach, such as myself, can help you heal from Gaslighting.